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2 weeks ago

The Connection Between Sexual Pain and Pleasure

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." -Kenji Miyazawa

The relationship between pain and pleasure in human sexuality is as profound as it is complex. It is a polarity that lives in each of us and deserves our curiosity. Sadly, it is not unusual for us to close down to situations that we fear will bring pain and discomfort. Replacing our tendency of avoidance with a capacity for wonder when it comes to our pain associations with sex is eye opening and has the potential to release an untapped capacity for pleasure.

Each time I have sex I am struck by the ecstatic release of deep pleasure, which ignites an equal neck pain right side release of intense pain. The pelvic cavity, one of the most miraculous wonders in the human body, balancing both the capacity to walk erect and procreate, is a truth teller for most of us. It is an internal space where sensation is leader and I have long wondered what begets what, if it is actually the intensity of the pain that arouses the pleasure or the other way around. So difficult it is to tease out, that I have come to believe that the pain/pleasure of our deepest sexual release is one in the same.

In fact, love, sex, pain and violence all stimulate the release of similar chemicals and hormones in the human body. Endorphins that are released in painful experiences are often perceived as pleasurable. Stress and pain can also stimulate the serotonin and melatonin production in the brain, which transforms painful experiences into pleasure. The release of epinephrine and norepinephrine in pain can also cause a pleasurable 'rush'. Normal human biological response actually supports the complex and mysterious link between pain and pleasure, which we see in the runner's high and the facial expressions during orgasmic release.

Given our biology, it is not terribly surprising that the practice of combining painful techniques with sexuality is ancient. Roman poets, ancient tribal drawings and even the Kama Sutra all refer to safe practices of what has come to be known as BDSM. This acronym, which refers to Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, reflects the ancient sexual rituals of sexual dominance and submission that have qualified sex throughout history. Depending on the study examined, particularly in the U.S. and Europe, the percentages of people who practice some form of these techniques is between 10-25%. Interestingly, this percentage is matched by an equally significant percentage of people who become cutoff from their sexuality due to their fear of the pain associated with sex.

Looking at how our sexual experience is mirrored in the emotions and soul of our relationship offers an illuminating perspective. Here is my hypothesis: loving someone emotionally creates the same pain/pleasure experience that lives in the body while making love to them. The moments of deep connection and intimacy, vulnerability and nakedness are matched by their opposite experience: feeling deeply hurt by your lover, by what was said, or, just as often, what went unsaid.

The act of loving in whatever form requires a willingness to experience both the pain and pleasure. This is the piece of sustaining loving relationships that is easy to miss, or at least misunderstand, and tragically the place where we walk away from the heart of what we want most.

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4 weeks ago

Secret Santas: Inside the hidden online world of St. Nicks

Secret Santas: Inside the hidden online world of St. Nicks

Santa Claus is coming to town, or actually, the internet.

Like so much of the planet, the jolly red man has found a home online. Booking gigs, talking with fans, finding the perfect red suit -- it all happens there. But like many of us mere mortals, Santa's social life and work life are two different worlds that just sometimes merge. That's where secret online communities come in.

Yes, there are Santas on LinkedIn and others marketing themselves on social media, but "Santa groupies" and a need for more privacy have driven many to connect in hidden online groups.

SEE ALSO: Take this festive virtual tour

4 weeks ago

People I Wanna Smack Around

Effectually Devolving

Oh, the world in which we live today.

4 weeks ago

Understanding Ohm's Law

We have been told and know that V=IR, but why does it work? This is a simple explanation of Ohm's law and why it works.

First, Let's start with the terms:


The easiest way to think of voltage is to call it potential. In fact, lots of people refer to voltage a potential. Voltage is the potential to do work. Imagine two bodies of water connected with a pipe. If one body of water is higher than the other then there is potential for water to flow from the high potential to the low potential.


Current is simply the transfer of something from one place to another. In the example with two bodies of water connected with a pipe, the current is the actual flow of water through the pipe between the two bodies of water.


Resistance is the, well, resistance. It is anything that opposes the flow of current. In the example of two bodies of water connected click over here now by a pipe, resistance is formed by the pipe. As the pipe gets wider, more current flows because the resistance gets lower. As the pipe gets narrower, less current flows because the resistance gets higher. If there were no pipe between the two bodies of water, then we woud say there is infinite resistance. No current would flow.

So now lets put it all together, and create ohm's law. Let's try to solve for I (current) based on what we know about voltage (potential) and resistance.

First we will start with voltage. If go to this site we think back to the example of two bodies of water connected with a pipe. If we move the higher body of water even higher, then we create more potential between the two bodies of water. If nothing about the pipe between them changes, then the water will flow faster. Therefore, if V goes up, I goes up.

Now we look at resistance. If we constrict the pipe by making it less wide then we get less water flow. We have increased the resistance of the pipe. Thus, if R goes up, I goes down.

Now we can put it all together:


This equation covers all of our requirements for the relationships between voltage, current, and resistance. If we rearrange the equation we get:


1 month ago

Difference Between a Short Sale and a Foreclosure

Home Affordable Foreclosure Alternatives (HAFA) ProgramThe HAFA program provides assistance to individuals facing financial hardships, who are on the verge of getting their homes foreclosed. Provided certain conditions are met, the program can free individuals from their debt burden, helping them make a smooth transition to affordable housing.

Homeowners typically buy a house by taking a mortgage, for which the house functions as a collateral. He or she is expected to make timely mortgage payments, failing which, the house is seized by the lending institution.

The real estate market crashed in 2007 and resulted in a number of people defaulting on mortgage payments. The reasons

1 month ago

The best do-it-yourself books for the home

When it comes to home house remodeling ideas for small homes improvement, there are a lot of do-it-yourself manuals. It can be difficult to separate the truly helpful from the fads. Here are three incredible books designed to improve your home maintenance skills.

Complete Do-It-Yourself Manual from Reader's Digest

This may be the king of all do-it-yourself manuals. It's an undisputed classic of the genre and has helped countless homeowners look to themselves--rather than a professional--to take care of business. Reader's Digest has provided this service since 1973 to over 10 million customers. It has been updated on numerous occasions, adapting with the times to provide more relevant information. Reader's Digest completely revised and updated the manual for its 2005 edition, in partnership with the trusted do-it-yourself magazine, The Family Handyman. This manual's main selling point is its approachability. This book wasn't written by specialized professionals for other people on their level. It was written for the regular person. Lacking any pomposity, this manual's conversational tone steps you through each task with simplicity and clarity. The book boasts over 3,000

1 month ago

Real Estate Margin Calls - free article courtesy of

Real Estate Margin Calls